In my eyes everywhere I look, I see a shadow. This shadow hides from us the hypocrites which speak behind our back, the jealous remarks, and the worse of all, the friends who you think are friends, but really aren’t at all. Today I find it so hard to trust anyone, and even then, it’s never fully. There always seems like there’s a huge iron barrier in the way, and whenever I let myself get even the slightest glimmer of hope, that barrier crashes it back down. I’m doing my best to describe this feeling, and the style of my writing will reflect that, I mean I feel like I’m constantly in a hole I can’t climb out of, but some days I have others there with me. This could be Growing up catching up with me, I have no idea, but being talked about by friends or co workers has got to be the biggest kick in the teeth you can get. You finally open yourself up to them, entrust them with feelings and emotions, Just to have them turn their back and run, and before you know it everyone has found out. This is a situation I can deal with, I mean you can cut people out of you’re life right? But then there comes the real killer. You can’t defend yourself if what they’re making up is something so full of bullshit because who going to believe you, I mean there’s no proof against it, you could say anything and no one would listen. This sucks. How bad are people’s lives to make something up which will not only hurt someone else, but cause them to loose confidence as a person, if you have a problem don’t take it out in others! People with anxiety for example are not going to feel any better about themselves if you make up a rumour about them being a horrible person, because that’s plainly going to make them feel worse. You really have to think, all these people going behind you’re back, they aren’t friends, they’re selfish and arrogant, people who have insecurities just like you and me but take them out on others. They are absolute dicks and you don’t need them, or the baggage they come with. Surround you’re self with positive pipes with you can share with, and wholeheartedly trust, and life will improve, even if it’s only slightly, and the hole will become smaller and easier to climb out of.
Have you ever had the feeling you have so many choices and none of them are likely to be right? Well that question pretty much sums up my love life, stuck between the idea of getting in a serious relationship and just having some fun. I mean, who can resist the rush you get on your first one night stand, the hasty enjoyment, throwing caution to one side. But yet being able to share your emotions and be with someone who provides you with stability, the person your parents yearn for you to be with, would be a good choice, but what is the right option? Timing is honestly my issue right now, my calendar being more full than a starving child having eaten a full roast dinner. I seem to have plans most nights and a lot of work to be doing, so I don’t know if I have time for a relationship, and yet, I still have an urge to be able to come home and find dinner on the table and have a best friend to be with constantly. I wonder if this is a battle in which I face, or weather it’s one that the rest of you do also, all I know is the decision seems almost impossible, much like me becoming a millionaire.
“I will loose weight this year” I said to myself, surrounded by my friends with their naturally slim figures. And yet one week into it and I’m already struggling. With the freedom of being able to eat what I wanted gone, now replaced by smoothies and salads. I was in desperate need of a huge kick up the arse and to get my life into gear, not to mention the stress of going through a break up. I guess it just felt like I had nobody to impress any more. But being surrounded by my friends helped me, after all they all had the same resolution as me. They sent me texts daily, and looking up recipes for us all to try was a great way to see them more and eat yummy food. I just needed that extra push.
So many people fail at resolutions and even now I’m asking myself why its at the start of the year we want to change ourselves so much, but its a great way to get involved in activities that challenge you. I took up rugby on top of the tennis I already do, and am really starting to enjoy life. And yes, okay, healthy eating can seem like a chore, with the spinach as green as a forest, and the soft mush of unripe fruit, but after finding some unusual recipes its not been too bad, and exceeded my expectations.
I hope this post finds all of you enjoying your holidays and getting ready for the New Year! I had a really great time at home for Christmas, I got to spend 4 days off from work spending time with friends + family… it doesn’t get much better than that! The Bill’s season has officially come to a close (unfortunately with another year out of the playoffs) which means I now have my life back + will be posting a lot more! I had planned on holding off until after the first to start the new posts but I figured why put off until tomorrow that which you can do today?!
I know, like me, a lot of you are ready to get back into a normal schedule + that includes taking a break from the over-indulgent holiday eating! It felt so good for me to get back in to the…
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It was a Thursday Morning. The first Thursday of the New Year. That meant that I would be meeting up with one of my besties for coffee. We made a pact last year to meet up once a week at the coffee shop that sits midway between her suburb and mine. Thursday mornings, that was the day we agreed upon. They would be our day!! Regardless of weather. Regardless of schedules. And, we stuck to our deal. Last year we met every single Thursday except for one or two. The only thing that keeps us away from our sacred get-together is if one of us is out-of-town. That’s a reasonable excuse.
She always arrives before I do. And, there is usually an empty “to go” cup waiting for me. Her treat. We buy the “to go” cups because this particular spot lets you refill your java as many…
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Admitting you have writers block is the first way to solve it, the next step is to do something about it. It sounds like you’re a suffering alcoholic, when really you just cant put pen to paper. But writing should never have to be a chore, and when it starts to become one, you need to have a break and to distract your mind for a while. A holiday can be a great example of this, and will inspire you to write about things you have never even imagined. I want you to picture the last time you were on holiday. Imagine the rolling waves crashing on the secluded beach, remember the feel of the sand as it squashes between your toes and picture the sun beaming down on you face like a gigantic light bulb. This can be an inspiration in itself, so by doing something you mind isn’t used to you’re giving it the opportunity to develop and become free.
Okay, so let me start by saying the only thing I’ve ever been good at is writing. When sitting in class, seeing everyone around you getting brilliant marks can make you feel extremely distressed, but then when you put pen to paper, those previous thoughts vanish in a puff of smoke. Writing is a way to reveal your feelings without anyone knowing the real you, and you never have to take that mask off. Writing is a way to relax, to release the pressure of the day, and most importantly, writing is a way to express who you really are, and say what you really think. In my opinion, everybody needs something they can love, and devote precious time to, and for me this is being able to illustrate yourself in words.